Updates on Life in General, From a Bathroom Stall

So I'm at school, typing this on my phone whilst going to the bathroom. Ah...modern conveniences! So what's happening? Sarah's got this traveling numbness in face and hands that's kind of freaking her out. So we've been to the hospital and they ruled out some things, now its just wait and see if things persist. If they do...more tests. So that's kind of hanging over our heads but meanwhile regular life trolls on. Tomorrow is Halloween. Ava's going as a bat, Sarah as a cat and I am going as a werewolf (killed the rhyme...I know). Lots of the great seasonal films have been watched...but the true classics have been saved. Hocus Pocus, Psycho, Halloween, Ernest Scared Stupid. The greats. And Sarah only refuses to watch about half of those so...winning. In two days the whole thing will be over and it will be off to the Yuletide races. We just have to make a pitstop at that whole "Thanksgiving" business. The classes are coming into that last quarter lap so November will a bit crazy...preparing final papers and studying for finals. And then...for better or worse things will be over--just like that. It still feels weird, but I'm really looking forward for general education to be over and to move on to graduate school. So hopefully everything goes well on that front. Think good thoughts...pray if you do that sort of thing...wish for the best about Sarah's health. Also squeeze in a good thought for the Mariners...the playoffs are coming one of these DECADES. And...way to blow it Royals. Oh well...that's my friend Richie's tears to cry. I'm a Mariners fan...so my tear ducts have run dry many moons ago. Alright...class is starting soon and I gotta vacate this stall...fresh air's running slim in this room if you know what I mean...*gasps*...

Stuff about the last week and...shit.

Its been like two weeks since my last post. As I've noted succinctly on Facebook...things are strange. Sarah's off for two weeks to AZ to be by her bestie's side. I've had good times, but there's a lot of emptiness on your own. I just don't feel good when I'm living life just for me. That might sound strange...with all that "you've got just one life," business. But the fact of the matter is, living a life only for me, self indulgently, makes me feel sick to my stomach. That isn't to suggest being a married and having a kid makes such a person better. Each of us contributes in our way, and enriches their lives in different ways. But knowing Sarah and being challenged by her view of the world, and how it should work (and vice versa) has helped bring out that part of me that knew school was really the only way for me to approach a meaningful career. I think there's people out there that, when it comes to jobs/careers, only truly care about the paycheck. That isn't to say they only love money...but their careers enriching their lives/world just don't matter as much. That may sound like I'm being condescending but I'm really not.  I'm just kind of laying things out...the way that I see them. I'm about halfway through my own little journey (well in terms of actual schooling anyway) and the fact that I'm consistently making progress, however small it may be, is what helps keep me sane. I always realize that fact when I'm on an extended break from school. As much fun as loafing around and doing jack shit is, I start to go a little nuts. I think working full time can distract us from the search for a meaningful career. It definitely derailed my search for about half a decade. Although, on the other hand, working soul sucking hours may have actually helped the search. The empty feeling I got when I thought about the actual worth of my efforts definitely helped lead me to my end goal. And I feel like I (as well as others in a similar situation) have an advantage of those- straight to college out of high school going for a general degree-types. Those kind of people probably succeed a good amount of the time. But the people who've worked long hours at a demeaning job, away from the families and the people that really matter have a special kind of focus and motivation when they finally get around to working on their passion. The Spanish teacher I had LCC was a great example. She was in her late sixties, early seventies I think. One day a few months into the quarter she brought a box up to the front of the class. It had a boxed pasta product in it, and a few filled notebooks. She said she raised a child and worked in a pasta factory for many years. Consequently she didn't get around to college until age 46. The notebooks she brought in were filled with her notes. She had a special kind of focus, because her notes were detailed and organized to a degree I've never seen since. But she busted through and received her Master's in English. However she wound in a class teaching English as a second language. But she thought she wasn't qualified so she went back to college AGAIN. She received a second Master's in Spanish. So she had the box of things to remind her of how far she had came.  It was a lesson us to not to be content to be in a place we don't really want to be. No matter how long we've been there or how improbable escaping that particular situation might be. I'm thankful that that day came in my first quarter of going back to school. I will not forget where I came from.

In Which I Attempt to Make a Point about Abrupt Endings But Really Wind Up Reminiscing a Whole Lot. Which Kind of Leads Back to the Point.

I was thinking about how abrupt things change. I think of my life in terms of eras. Young childhood...up to about eleven or twelve is kind of one big era. Then comes the teens, the end of high school really felt like the end of the teens for me. And it just goes to show how we define time really doesn't make much of a difference. I know people who are well into their twenties and their lives aren't that much different than they were at seventeen. My life is quite a bit different that it was at seventeen. And I don't say that with a sense of pride. Its just a fact. (Although the people that have made my life quite a bit different are pretty cool... so maybe a little pride)

After the "teens", which really felt like they ended after high school, the eras become more niche. At some point after I'm a twenty something (if I make it out of the roaring twenties alive) I suppose I might be able to condense my life into "my twenties." I kind of hope not, though. I hope I can remember it more the way it was.

First I met Sarah. I started dating her in mid-July of 2005 and we had a magical summer. I mean that sounds cheesy as shit, but it was. We had absolutely no commitments (except for Sarah's curfew), and I had two thousand dollars. I didn't get a job until nearly November of that year. I had no desire for, and no way to pay for college, so I elected to "enter the workforce." That summer really lasted until about October...that's when things started to feel less magical and more like a loser-y teen with marriage ideals and no job. So from July-October was "the summer." We got engaged in January of 2006, so things really jump to "the engagement." Then we in '07 we became newlyweds. The honeymoon had to be creative but we had a lot of help and it was a great time. A little house on the beach, just Sarah and I with a couple grand in wedding money, and having a good time watching 'Disturbia' and 'A Goofy Movie' in the little house. Sleeping in the living room because the bedroom creeped the shit out of us.

Then there was the era of our first apartment, which was as beautiful and awesome as it was cheap. We got that in the fall of '09. We stayed there till shortly after Ava was born. We moved into the second apartment in the early months of 2011. The second apartment was really "Ava's first home." That's where a lot of memories were made (and posted on Facebook). Ava's first steps. First time Ava rolled over was when we were watching 'Aloha, Scooby Doo' on my brand-spanking new blu-ray in our living room. Lots of movie and Little Caesar's pizza nights with Sarah after Ava was in bed. The simple joys of eating awesomely bad food and binge watching 'How I Met Your Mother' after a highly stressful day of cooking at the 'Lion' and homework.

Then came my two Grand Mal seizures in January of 2013. And that brings me to my original point. The seizure came out of nowhere, I had NEVER had one before, or had any issues before. And suddenly my doctor told me I couldn't work at my job for six months. It was the time period to test and see if I would likely have more seizures or if it was an anomaly kind of thing. And so suddenly my job--which I'd held and loathed but was still appreciative to have at all--was gone. And...it was great. I had been missing SO much with my swing shift hours, in combination with college that it felt just like a season to mend, and to get well. To get in tune with the people in my life. I never went back to the job and wound up getting a new one (with much more flexible and generally life friendly hours) in about August of '13...same time as I started at WSU-V, newly armed with my AA from LCC. And that starts the era I'm currently in...the WSU era I guess. An era of humility (giving up our hard earned apartment in exchange for more time for living life and focusing on school and bettering our lives).

The original point was abrupt endings. Didn't really get there. But, the point was, our lives aren't really measured in years or decades or whatever. Things are really in eras. And you never know how quickly the era will end. I woke one day and my head went screwy and that gave me a way out of my dead-end job. It really just showed me the way that was already there but that I was too proud to see. This era will end at some point (hopefully with a decent paying job that my college degree got me) but who knows when. But its a really good one, with second chances and everything. So I'm not in a hurry.

Blogging vs Facebook

Well first off all let me tell you blogging isn't nearly as much fun as Facebooking. Throwing out an idea and getting potentially instant feedback is more satisfying than throwing out lots of ideas and getting like zip feedback. Not that I thought blogging WOULD replace Facebook, but I'm realizing I do like connecting with people on social media, I've had some great conversations with people on FB that I wouldn't normally get to see because they are old friends who have moved away or friends they have NEVER lived around me and likely never will. So in that sense it's made me appreciate FB for what it is. But, at the same time with being absent from Facebook (with the exception of these blog links of course) it's made it easier to walk away. As much I enjoy my Facebook time, if I thought it was taking up too much of my family's time I'd walk away entirely. But that's a little severe. However I did kinda feel like that way. So thus the break. Not the only reason. Part of the catalyst for taking a break was on a Sunday afternoon early this month and I was talking to a friend on FB. We were joking around and somewhere along the way one of us got the wrong idea and we wound up arguing. I knew that if we had been having the same discussion in person we would have just had a good laugh, and been enjoying our time. My friend called me afterwards and in less than thirty seconds we were laughing it off. But, after that I just felt I had better things than to get into non arguements with good friends. I could have been reading a good book (which hasn't been happening nearly enough lately), hanging out with my ladies, writing a song...or a BLOG. Getting into a petty bitch-fest online didn't seem good enough. So when I make my galant return I hope to still use FB but to a lesser extent. Definitely will be aiming to use it less on mobile. Also trying to put my smartphone on my nightstand whenever I'm home. So...yeah. That's that. In the last few weeks I have also realized that it's not that I'm spending too much online and not reading. It's that I'd RATHER be online and NOT reading. Which is a new and troubling development. Around the same time as that realization I read an article which said that research shows that our brains are essential being re-wired to the quick scan and skim nature of online reading. Which means people that have never had much experience with reading books, where more attention to detail is necessary, are losing that ability. Or never acquiring it, essentially. So yeah...nothing fun in this one. Have a good one...my children of FB, my princes of Twitter.

Blog # 2: In Which We Discuss Resisting the Urge to Dance to Dire Straits and Complacent Blogging

Decided to blog...not even sure what I'll be covering. Thought about blogging yesterday but...DEAR GOD I was studying for a math test and I kind of lost it for awhile. I'm studying probabilities in math and I'm doing stuff like "well if the probability of A event is .2, B event is .4, and C event is .7 then what is the odds of B AND C...NOT happening." So then off Josh goes in search of what the probability of NOT A is (that's actually what we call it...NOT A). At some point in the blood soaked insanity that is studying at 9:49 PM the night before the math test I'm just like...27. I'm TWENTY SEVEN and I'm still cramming for math tests. But alas I only need to pass this last math class. So I can then attempt to pass stats class. Which everyone says is killer. One of my online teachers last year told a wonderful anecdote about how one of the brightest pupils in a particular class she was teaching a few years ago, actually changed their major because they couldn't get an A like they were "used to." That firstly freaks me out and then reassures me. "Brightest Pupil" might not be able to live with a C+ but this guy'll take it right down to the bank. But enough of that shit.

Man, usually I write with some sort of inflated emotion and right now I'm just sort of complacent. Mostly because, come hell or high water, my math test is over. Thusly I'm boring the CRAP out of myself. But I suppose it's good to vary it up a bit...good to write about the good complacent things too. Yesterday was test review, that was crap. In a few days I'll to write a review of another opera. And there's probably a test coming up that I'm forgetting about. But today is alright. Made pizza with the family, watched the Mariners lose to the Rangers while Ava sang variations on "see you later alligator...after while crocodile." Good stuff. Sarah and Ava will be leaving for the sunnier pastures of Arizona in a few weeks, so Sarah can (ideally) be there for the birth of her beastie's second monster. After finals Darby and I are probably just gonna live together for two weeks and get hammered and stuff. We have tentative plans involving an 18 pack of Rolling Rock, video recording capabilities and other stuff proving how cool we are.

But right now the day's stuff is over and time to relax. In a few hours Sarah and I will watch 'Being Human' (Original UK Version, Baby)' when Ava goes to sleepy sleeps. That's how we talk. Have a good evening folks.

A final note...this song is stuck in my head. Also...does anyone else have to mentally restrain themselves from dancing to the opening minute?

P.S. I have resisted the urge to delete this whole thing. #NotRantyEnough

Harold Bloom's an Asshole and the Secret of the Story.

Okay, I was perusing through the Internet's dark basement: comment forums. The forum followed an article by critic Harold Bloom, (a discussion of his article rather) where Bloom verbally flatulated his hissy fit over J.K. Rowling's 'Harry Potter' series (full disclosure: I loathe what I've read of Bloom's , and I love Rowling's Harry Potter series). The site ran Stephen King's opinion (also love me some King) on J.K. Rowling the week following, although King's own opinion doesn't factor in here. So most of the comments were a back and forth game of bitching tennis between King defenders and Bloom defenders. Paraphrasing the site's idea for the two features: the literary "slummers" and the academic "gasbags/windbags." The ease of people to lump people into the these narrow categories based on their opinion of one person is disturbing. I read easily thirty five to forty comments and none even debated this point...  *quick note...why I do these things to myself is a question we won't delve into...EVER...end note*... while about three quarters of the comments came from either side of the Bloom/King court a few did try and claim a neutral stance. But those people cannot see the bigger picture (or anyone else in that particular forum or most forums for that matter). When you are trying to herd the world into one of those two categories based on one qualification (whether they agree with King or with Bloom) neutrality is hard to come by. Of course neutrality is a forum commenter's Kyptonite, but we'll overlook that. Because of three reasons. (1) These people are fucking nuts, (2) it's MY sad little blog...DAMMIT, (3) and I'm super pissed off about it. And...(bonus round) writing this down is cheap therapy. Number one and number three are also good reasons NOT to write things I suppose, but number one and number three not only have direct correlation but CAUSATION. This leads back to number two. Okay...everybody up to speed? Good. All of this is the set-up for my own thoughts on this.

As I mentioned I love the Potter series. I was skeptical before I read them (and I was twelve then which I thinks make twelve year old me more of a literary skeptic than twenty seven year old me) but my Granny Helen bought them for me.  She thought I'd be interested. I wasn't but am ever grateful she bought them for me. I read practically anything back then-the return policy at the bottom of a Target receipt if I had nothing else. She was/is a voracious reader, mostly stuff that falls in the NY Times Bestsellers list (merely a fact, not a judgment) so she was aware of the Potter phenomenon that just then heating up. I didn't feel it was full blown until the outrageous anticipation preceding the July 2000 release of 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'. If it wasn't for her there's a good chance my opinions of 'Harry Potter' would likely run on the lower end. After I read the Bloom piece that I linked to earlier, I read an article that attempted a neutral stance. However the guy writing the piece (which heavily leaned to Bloom's side) admitted that he was merely taking Bloom's word for it that it was full of clichés. Not neutrality. What I'm doing here is not neutrality. We're all just members of the same species giving our heavily subjective speculations on the intangible thing that is a story. I mean sure you've got a book there you can touch (or an e-reader or e-reader app) but the story takes hold in your mind. A story really only takes hold if you can see it in your mind, if you can live somewhere else for awhile...a place shared in two minds-the writer's and the reader's. Even then the details won't be exactly the same-the Dursley's house in the HP series looked like a dressed up version of my friend Bryan's house...and I doubt Rowling was thinking of the Cossairt's when she wrote it. You can tell a story tangibly (through book form) or intangibly (through auditory form-campfire style). The words on the page, the cover art, the feel of turning pages all can mask what is really happening. A campfire story really shows the form for what it is-the transfer of ideas from one mind to another's. When I say we I mean one species on one planet, in one solar system, in one galaxy, in one....okay you get the idea (...UNIVERSE!!!). So why would you ever take ONE member's "word for it"?! DON'T. Now, of course we still make superficial judgment's about things. When a new Stephen King comes out I try to carve time out of my fleeting time to read it. When a new Danielle Steele comes out...I don't. But every time I reach for a new King I'm missing out on thousands of potentially excellent reads. I'm at terms with that and I try to mix up my reading material as much as possible without delving into things that simply do not interest me. Now of course I'm as biased as can be on this subject...I love the shit out of Potter and most things King. So don't take my word for it. But don't take anyone else's either. My own bullshit adolescent ideas of literary greatness almost caused me to miss out the fantastic adventures of Harry Potter and his friends. That thought terrifies me.

Once you get an idea of what you like, it will guide you...of course that'll happen. Even if you only take a chance on a new read once a year that's probably a better idea than Bloom's (who actually has a book called 'How to Read and Why' ). Just my thoughts, friends.