Summer Sunday Afternoon Afterlife

Some thoughts I've had recently: if heaven was like lying in a hammock on a 70 degree blue sky day...I still couldn't do it for eternity...but for a hundred years or so wouldn't be bad.

Also I've been struck yet again by how...unsavory the human race can be.

But...there is some silver lining in this (not a play books worth...HA).

 We've been learning about the Milgram studies in a few of my Psych classes and it's something I knew about before but it's always interesting...oh and the Zimbardo Prison Experiment too (If you're unfamiliar with either of those Google em...interesting/disturbing stuff).

 Essentially both of studies conclude with the same idea...under the right conditions (those conditions basically being someone else is taking responsibility for your actions and you also view that someone else as a legitimate authority) the MAJORITY of regular, average, perfectly mentally healthy folks can and will do horrible atrocities.

 Later they won't understand why and usually almost always the answer is "I was just following orders."

 Now this isn't to make some anti-military point (Abu Ghraib is one of many instances that makes these implications clear so I don't have to drone on myself) but just to be aware...most evil isn't "outside evil."

 Outside evil is inside of us.

 So what's the silver lining? If we live with that awareness we CAN be better people. If we understand that about 65-70 percent of people will hesitantly but willingly shock a person to death for the purposes of a science experiment (Milgram) then we also understand that there is some 30-35 that could potentially be heroes.

  If we keep in mind that any one of us have the capacity for evil inside of us then maybe we can fight it when we're tempted to go with the flow.

 So it's depressing thought initially but in the end it feels like a silver lining. There's still room for heroes. Here's to that summer Sunday afternoon afterlife. One can hope.

P.S.-Has anyone else been seeing the night sky recently? Last night was pretty amazing...hoping for another good one tonight. G'night folks.

Sometimes It Takes a Grand Mal Seizure: Recollections of Getting Free

Man in a couple days it'll be two years since a unfortunate and scary health issue dramatically changed my life. After the doctor told me I needed to have a six month leave of absence to see if the seizures would be a recurring problem it immediately relieved me of a job I was grateful for, but was awful for me personally, especially for a full time college student and dad. It was one of those jobs, like a lot of people out there, I'm sure, where I was good at it, but was one that was killing me emotionally. Emotions never seemed a good enough reason to quit my (mostly) full time job, especially since it paid for my nice and spacious downtown apartment. And having a full time job, and full time school, I never really got around to looking for a new job...even though I constantly told myself I would.

I felt very trapped, and was, in fact, planning on transferring to the Vancouver Red Lion when I transferred to WSU-V. Providing a home for my family and for the nice things I could occasionally buy felt like enough to slog on through the misery. Forgive the dramatics but...it feels accurate. It's a pretty common story I figured, and eventually I also figured (HOPEFULLY) college and grad school would solve the issue.

Thank god that didn't happen. Before the end of that January I had pretty much unofficially decided I could not go back to Red Lion. I had been laid off from the Lion back in '09 and I thought that was the sign to leave THEN, before I wound up back at their door six months later after I ran out of unemployment. Here I was, getting a second out, and I figured it was a sign to move on. So I officially stayed on at Red Lion, burning out my sick time, until it finally ran dry in March. And then I quit. It took pretty much from January until late March to finally decide to take up a standing offer from Sarah's mom to move into the spare rooms she had at her house.

It's difficult to swallow pride. It took Sarah far less time to accept the idea of leaving our wonderful apartment (that I hardly miss as much as I would have thought), and taking up a residence that would allow for a part time job, than it did me. Eventually, I realized, even though pride was a powerful emotion, my pride at the time was just forcing me to stay in a miserable position. Even though I do miss having our own uninterrupted space occasionally, honestly it hardly happens. My life is busy but so, so much more flexible. I have time for friendships, for date nights, for family nights, for special trips with Ava, for reading, for near daily creative time. My actual job allows me breaks for holidays, for classes, for my internship, for my brand spanking new second position of writing articles for Sodo Mojo (at least...I'm pretty sure it will...haha). There is now hardly any 3 a.m. studying. Usually I could get it done on mornings when I'm off or before bedtime on days I've had work/school. Sometimes it takes something awful and scary (i,e. seizure), to realize the misery you are in is in fact, not worth it. Hopefully it doesn't take that for you. Sometimes people don't get a wake up call at all. I'm so grateful I did, Thanks, universe.

It's wonderful. If pride is keeping you somewhere you don't REALLY wanna be... LET GO. Sounds easy, will in fact be super hard, but will feel WONDERFUL.

Blogging vs Facebook

Well first off all let me tell you blogging isn't nearly as much fun as Facebooking. Throwing out an idea and getting potentially instant feedback is more satisfying than throwing out lots of ideas and getting like zip feedback. Not that I thought blogging WOULD replace Facebook, but I'm realizing I do like connecting with people on social media, I've had some great conversations with people on FB that I wouldn't normally get to see because they are old friends who have moved away or friends they have NEVER lived around me and likely never will. So in that sense it's made me appreciate FB for what it is. But, at the same time with being absent from Facebook (with the exception of these blog links of course) it's made it easier to walk away. As much I enjoy my Facebook time, if I thought it was taking up too much of my family's time I'd walk away entirely. But that's a little severe. However I did kinda feel like that way. So thus the break. Not the only reason. Part of the catalyst for taking a break was on a Sunday afternoon early this month and I was talking to a friend on FB. We were joking around and somewhere along the way one of us got the wrong idea and we wound up arguing. I knew that if we had been having the same discussion in person we would have just had a good laugh, and been enjoying our time. My friend called me afterwards and in less than thirty seconds we were laughing it off. But, after that I just felt I had better things than to get into non arguements with good friends. I could have been reading a good book (which hasn't been happening nearly enough lately), hanging out with my ladies, writing a song...or a BLOG. Getting into a petty bitch-fest online didn't seem good enough. So when I make my galant return I hope to still use FB but to a lesser extent. Definitely will be aiming to use it less on mobile. Also trying to put my smartphone on my nightstand whenever I'm home. So...yeah. That's that. In the last few weeks I have also realized that it's not that I'm spending too much online and not reading. It's that I'd RATHER be online and NOT reading. Which is a new and troubling development. Around the same time as that realization I read an article which said that research shows that our brains are essential being re-wired to the quick scan and skim nature of online reading. Which means people that have never had much experience with reading books, where more attention to detail is necessary, are losing that ability. Or never acquiring it, essentially. So yeah...nothing fun in this one. Have a good one...my children of FB, my princes of Twitter.