Stuff about the last week and...shit.

Its been like two weeks since my last post. As I've noted succinctly on Facebook...things are strange. Sarah's off for two weeks to AZ to be by her bestie's side. I've had good times, but there's a lot of emptiness on your own. I just don't feel good when I'm living life just for me. That might sound strange...with all that "you've got just one life," business. But the fact of the matter is, living a life only for me, self indulgently, makes me feel sick to my stomach. That isn't to suggest being a married and having a kid makes such a person better. Each of us contributes in our way, and enriches their lives in different ways. But knowing Sarah and being challenged by her view of the world, and how it should work (and vice versa) has helped bring out that part of me that knew school was really the only way for me to approach a meaningful career. I think there's people out there that, when it comes to jobs/careers, only truly care about the paycheck. That isn't to say they only love money...but their careers enriching their lives/world just don't matter as much. That may sound like I'm being condescending but I'm really not.  I'm just kind of laying things out...the way that I see them. I'm about halfway through my own little journey (well in terms of actual schooling anyway) and the fact that I'm consistently making progress, however small it may be, is what helps keep me sane. I always realize that fact when I'm on an extended break from school. As much fun as loafing around and doing jack shit is, I start to go a little nuts. I think working full time can distract us from the search for a meaningful career. It definitely derailed my search for about half a decade. Although, on the other hand, working soul sucking hours may have actually helped the search. The empty feeling I got when I thought about the actual worth of my efforts definitely helped lead me to my end goal. And I feel like I (as well as others in a similar situation) have an advantage of those- straight to college out of high school going for a general degree-types. Those kind of people probably succeed a good amount of the time. But the people who've worked long hours at a demeaning job, away from the families and the people that really matter have a special kind of focus and motivation when they finally get around to working on their passion. The Spanish teacher I had LCC was a great example. She was in her late sixties, early seventies I think. One day a few months into the quarter she brought a box up to the front of the class. It had a boxed pasta product in it, and a few filled notebooks. She said she raised a child and worked in a pasta factory for many years. Consequently she didn't get around to college until age 46. The notebooks she brought in were filled with her notes. She had a special kind of focus, because her notes were detailed and organized to a degree I've never seen since. But she busted through and received her Master's in English. However she wound in a class teaching English as a second language. But she thought she wasn't qualified so she went back to college AGAIN. She received a second Master's in Spanish. So she had the box of things to remind her of how far she had came.  It was a lesson us to not to be content to be in a place we don't really want to be. No matter how long we've been there or how improbable escaping that particular situation might be. I'm thankful that that day came in my first quarter of going back to school. I will not forget where I came from.